INFP

     One of the greatest things about the MBTI is its ability to connect you to things you didn't realize or notice about yourself. Over the course of my studies of it, it has brought me to many realizations. I have had a number recently.

     Another one of the greatest things about the MBTI is that it can also really help with understanding other people. However, trying to understand others who are very different from you can be very difficult without their help, even if you have written material intended to explain your differences to work from.

     When attempting to explain the differences between attitudes in my last Myers-Briggs-related post, I became frustrated with a couple of the functions, Thinking in particular. This is because Thinking is my inferior (4th) function. Now I can explain how I think, but when it comes to the opposite attitude, I'm lost. So I've decided to focus what I know.

I'm an INFP: Introverted, iNtuiting (before Sensing), Feeling (before Thinking), Perceiving. Personality pages will call us things like "healers", "idealists", and "dreamers". Another personality theorist named Keirsey grouped the 16 MBTI types into four categories, and gave each an adjective name. According to his system, we're Healers and we fall into the Idealist category. 

Some people call us jerks.

     This makes sense. Because our dominant function is Introverted Feeling or Fi, we are very in tune with our own emotions but not always so much with the emotions of others. However, this doesn't mean we can't or don't care about or empathize with others. It just starts with us rather than them. If we have experienced something similar to someone, we connect to them through that feeling. We care very deeply about the things and people that/who are most important to us and constantly weigh the values of everything. Given that Fi is an introverted trait, it is often very good for us to be alone with our feelings and we may not share them unless we feel it necessary. Another pattern I've begun to see in some introverted functions is that they are not easy to communicate. Parts of my mental world are understood and stored in colors, textures, and other feeling-tones. It takes my Thinking function to communicate them understandably.

     In comparison to Fe (extroverted feeling), our abilities to interact well with and accurately perceive the feelings of others are more consciously developed than they are for Fe types, especially as children. Dominant and auxiliary functions are said to be the first to develop. When I first read about Fe, I immediately thought about how cool it would be to have. Fe allows you to pick up on other people's feelings nearly unconsciously. There have been times when I've felt broken because I've been unable to emotionally connect with someone I cared about in a time of their need. When I am able to deeply empathize with someone, it's a wonderful feeling, even if it's still bittersweet. Luckily for INFPs, Fe is our first shadow function, and likely to be experienced most of that group.

     An INFP's auxiliary function is Extroverted iNtuiting, or Ne. I haven't looked into this one much, but it's probably why I enjoy literature as much as I do. It also contributes to a love of ideas and brainstorming. Please pardon me for not discussing it.

     Our tertiary function, Extroverted Sensing or Si has been described as being like an expanded memory. It works to find commonalities between experiences. This can be especially helpful when paired with other functions, and/or especially hurtful when paired with Fi specifically. In the MBTI/INFP community this is referred to at the Fi-Si Loop. This is how it works: we feel something, Si kicks in and reminds us of a time we've feel the same or similar, and that feeling can compound and either empower us or bring us to a deeper low. That's by no means the only way Fi and Si combine though. Sometimes a negative feeling that I haven't felt in a long time will come over me in reaction to something that does not initially seem to directly correlate to the last time I felt it, I use Si to find as many connections as possible, and then use Te to contemplate the exact cause of the feeling so that it can be avoided in the future. Particularly negative Fi-Si loops can greatly hinder our lives if we don't develop skills to break out.

     Extroverted Thinking or Te is our inferior function. This doesn't mean much except that it is used last and not as developed as other functions. Te focuses on organization. When I think about things, I know the process I go through. I converse with myself in my head. Hearing my own and/or others' thoughts spurs new patterns and ideas. I enjoy the connections between things and sometimes use Ne to build novel ones. My ENTJ friend whose dominant function is Te is constantly analyzing systems, building graphs to express new discoveries, and seeking out people to discuss ideas with. He and I have great interactions as I bring out his inferior Fi and he brings out my Te. I and other INFPs have found that when we don't have someone else to bounce ideas off of, recording ourselves on video and watching it afterward can help us organize our thoughts even more effectively than just speaking them to ourselves.

     A Ti-dominant individual helped clarify some things for me today in regards to his dominant function. He does not converse with himself in his thoughts. As my Fi is so difficult to explain sometimes, so is his Ti. Some Ti folk have a terrible time having to show their work in math or other related areas as it is counter-intuitive to their process. For them, things just click. For INFPs, and likely a few other Te types, attempting to use Ti is incredibly draining.

I may continue to post on these topics and others in the future. Please comment if you have questions, comments, links of interest, or punny jokes.

Draw From Memory

     There wasn't a star left, she'd watched deep red clouds drift between her and the last one. Oaks above the pit she lay in rose naked and grey, quaking stiffly in intermittent wind. She watched them for a while, then unfocused her vision and listened to the wind. There two branches touched, there a leaf turned, there something fragile broke, a chorus, another and another. Visible breath rose from her sleepily until ground level and an unraveling sweep northeast. The earth beneath her contrasted nicely with the air and she drank their watercolor-bleeding happily.

     She sat up and climbed out of the ovular pit. A clearing of tall, yellow grass surrounded her, encircled by forest of both deciduous and evergreen towers. Another clearing could be seen through the trees ahead of her to the north. "Too long," she thought as her mass's attraction downward broke ice under her feet. They crunched ahead steadily then greeted undergrowth, swaying fronds, brushing bushes, snapping twigs, arching over roots, and compressing moss. Most large bodies loomed solid and grey here, light like marble in the reddish glow, seeming to hold the air in their architecture when all was still enough. But others stood soft in dark, deep green, warm somehow in their shade, full in little sharp lines or frond-like mats. There were places about their trunks she could imagine hiding and curves high in their branches she imagined sleeping, though most really couldn't hold her.
     Her feet paced steadily again out into a large field. A single tree stood about seventy yards of sagging grass away and smooth, distant hills lined the horizon. The wind continued, dancing down to earth at times near then far. Continuing, she watched it press down on the surface of the meadow, changing shapes and casting new shadows despite the freeze. In a particular dip she caught a sliver of something ahead to her left. Pace escalated. She only now realized how tense she'd been. Stretching as much as she could in flow of momentum, she caught up to her destination, registered it, and ran in. She grinned as "drops" from an icy stream splashed up into her face. "You could fly," something told her, but as everything within her seemed set to, she did not. Yards beyond, she slowed and leaned back to face the clouds and followed their swirling with her eyes. Her body slowly lowered to a sitting position, then further, hands trailing dirt and grass lovingly. Eyes moved on calmly waiting for the break.
     Rolling red dispersed into bright fluorescence. She squinted and sat up. They were moving hundreds of miles per hour, but it didn't feel like anything. "Still four months?" she asked a nearby shipmate jokingly.
     "Yup," he replied.
     "Alright."

Cognitive Functions

(Finally)
     My interest in this subject just hasn't died yet. About four or five months ago I told a new friend how I was a bit disappointed that I knew his type and had memorized his functions because there were little things that he'd do or say that would cause me to think things like, "Oh, that's his extroverted feeling." I thought maybe my natural perceptions of him might somehow change negatively because I consciously labeled him in these ways as I was getting to know him. There's a balance to be found between structured analysis and simple, intuitive experience.
     Continuing from my first post, there are 8 cognitive functions that make up the 16 MBTI types. Of these functions, there are four ...functions, and two "attitudes". Attitude is the -version of a function, introversion or extroversion. I haven't found a term for "function" (the one with attitude, there are 8 of them) that would differentiate it from "function" (without attitude, there are 4) yet, so please bear with me. It should make sense anyway. The four functions (sans attitude) are Feeling, Intuition, Sensing, and Thinking.
Here are the eight functions:
     Extroverted Feeling (Fe)
     "seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through considerate, enthusiastic, and charming behavior... responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between ... own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others"
     Introverted Feeling (Fi)
     "filters information based on interpretations of worth, forming judgments according to criteria that are often intangible... constantly balances an internal set of values such as harmony and authenticity... attuned to subtle distinctions... innately senses what is true and what is false in a situation"
     Extroverted Intuition (Ne)
     "finds and interprets hidden meanings, using “what if” questions to explore alternatives, allowing multiple possibilities to coexist... weaves together insights and experiences from various sources to form a new whole, which can then become a catalyst to action"
     Introverted Intuition (Ni)
     "attracted to symbolic actions or devices... synthesizes seeming paradoxes to create the previously unimagined... realizations come with a certainty that demands action to fulfill a new vision of the future, solutions that may include complex systems or universal truths"
     Extroverted Sensing (Se)
     "focuses on the experiences and sensations of the immediate, physical world... with an acute awareness of the present surroundings... brings relevant facts and details to the forefront and may lead to spontaneous action"
     Introverted Sensing (Si)
     "collects data in the present moment and compares it with past experiences, a process that sometimes evokes the feelings associated with memory... seeking to protect what is familiar, draws upon history to form goals and expectations about what will happen in the future"
     Extroverted Thinking (Te)
     "organizes and schedules ideas and the environment to ensure the efficient, productive pursuit of objectives... seeks logical explanations for actions, events, and conclusions, looking for faulty reasoning and lapses in sequence"
     Introverted Thinking (Ti)
     "seeks precision, such as the exact word to express an idea... notices the minute distinctions that define the essence of things, then analyzes and classifies them... examines all sides of an issue, looking to solve problems while minimizing effort and risk... uses models to root out logical inconsistency"

I'm sure it's a lot to take in if you're new to all this. Another way of looking at this is that if a function's attitude is extroverted, it's focused externally and if it's introverted, it's focused internally. To my understanding,
     introverted feeling focuses on values whereas extroverted feeling focuses on harmony,
     introverted intuition accumulates ideas to snap into a whole while extroverted intuition gathers ideas to weave into one
     introverted sensing focuses on finding patterns between experiences while extroverted sensing focuses on molding present ones,
     and introverted thinking focuses on collecting information while extroverted thinking focuses on organizing it.

     After my initial discomfort with it, I've come to really enjoy trying to figure out which functions people in my life use most, and through that, their type. It's difficult sometimes though because, really, none of us only use four. We use all eight. Order is what determines type. The first four functions cover all the bases non-attitude function-wise, but after that come shadow functions. I've read that these often come out under stress, perhaps as a last-ditch attempt to deal with life when the first four don't seem to be working well enough. Their appearances are often temporary and sometimes very negative, but occasionally they stay long enough to be learned and move into daily life, displacing another function. I have a friend who says his type changed when his dad came down with a serious illness.
     Shadow functions appear in the same order as the others. So say you intuit, think, feel, then sense, in that order, your shadow functions will follow that order. If your first (dominant) function is Introverted Sensing, your fifth is Extroverted Sensing.

There's so much to this system, I'm still not particularly well-versed in it. For further reading, here's a good site I found recently: www.cognitiveprocesses.com
And this YouTube channel I just found a few minutes ago: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWWwQlDFnYbX_dgDP8lJ09A
Wikipedia has decent pages for this too, with lots of sources listed.

Not Knowing (Nov 16, 28)

I have not been well. I don't know what it is. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just feeling things. It's the faintest something at the fore of my forehead or the back of my neck. It's the way I have to think more to make my eyes focus sometimes, how I'm working harder to stay hydrated, how when I'm tired enough 50% of me wants to cry.
I have cried a little, but not recently. This is the eighth day. I haven't panicked since Thursday night. I almost felt better yesterday. It's not painful, just different, weakening, and unknown. Not knowing is the worst part.
I take a chunky multivitamin and a cap of D3 each day now. I eat some salt when I need to. I thought I might be low on potassium for a while, but I increased my intake and didn't feel better. I'm just trying to take care.

~

Copay is more expensive on our insurance plan at urgent care clinics. My veins are small and they roll, so after three attempts at a blood draw I am redirected to another lab. About a week later I find out I don't have diabetes, anemia, or thyroid problems. 

A pediatrician examines the orifices in my face. She tells me my nose and ears are swollen inside but I don't have an infection. We think the initial weakness was probably a battle against toxins (there was an incident). She suggests that I accept a prescription of nose spray or use some kind of small teapot-like thing to pour warm salt water through my nose. I don't have the pot but late one night I try a funnel. Later I realize that some occasional dizziness makes sense due to inner ear swelling.

Everyone is kind, but when in doubt, go to your primary care clinic.

Also, there's no shame in thinking you might have some especially terrible disease as long as you recognize when you are afraid, understand that you might not have one, try to remain calm, and do not share these thoughts with certain people.

Wednesday, October 29

     Today I have no classes. Some friends and I planned a couple weeks ago to use this day for a Goodwill hunt. I woke up this morning and decided I needed to take a shower even though my time was limited and my mother warned me not to leave the house before loading and running the dishwasher. With ten minutes left according to Trimet tracker, and the thought that I might not make it sinking in, I pushed myself to figure out what to wear. This should not be as difficult as it sometimes is. I dressed as easily as I could: pants, tunic, yesterday's socks, clunky zip-up snow boots, jacket and small backpack over the shoulder. Now dishes. Five minutes still? These are the times that I appreciate that my dad tries to prepare a pile of dishes on the side counter for the next run. He does a mediocre job getting the gunk off, but half the time that's all you need. The other half I took care of. Loaded. I began to push the racks back into the machine but my mom pointed out room for one more dish; I had to put it in. All ready but the soap, I checked Trimet tracker again, retaining hope that maybe the notoriously late local bus might be just late enough. One minute! I swept the soap to the basin in the dishwasher door, snapped lids, and ran. 36 met me at the corner and I wondered gratefully at the purpose of such fortune.

     Second stop, I stepped off the bus into the realization that my day pass was missing. There was enough cash in my wallet for a two hour pass to get me to my destination where from I could figure out my way home. The weight of disappointment seemed a fair balance to my more positive feelings earlier. I sat at the stop for a considerable amount of time until I noticed I was at the wrong stop 1 minute before the bus was to arrive. After consulting Maps for redirection, I swept across 3 or 4 blocks onto the scene of a homeless man pulling a cart. A bag fell off the top. I paused, waiting for him to notice. He didn't. I ran to pick it up and carried it back to him and he thanked me. I responded somehow then swept on with a tinge of superficial busyness. The next bus arrived soon enough.
     Third stop, I was supposed to be at my destination but it didn't look right. Is this my aunt's street? It's my aunt's street. By this time I was seriously considering the possibility that this adventure could be one of some unknown importance. I might as well drop by. The small trees along the sidewalk had grown thicker and created a partial tunnel about a foot above my head as I approached and a fluffy black and white cat greeted me at her front yard.
     I rang the doorbell. She answered welcomingly, her voice soft and airy, and in her bathrobe and apologized for not being in a more presentable state. I told her not to worry and apologized for not giving her any warning. We caught up in the kitchen after she offered me a meal, something I definitely needed, and gradually moved to the dining room. She spoke about her new roommate which led us to topics of MBTI and Feminism. She and I have a lot in common. I told her about the purpose of my journey and she said she'd give me ride to my destination after she took a shower. So after our late breakfast I relocated to her couch as she washed.
     It probably took her about an hour. I realized I hadn't mentioned I planned to meet people an hour ago and thus lay there, anxious about letting my friends down, thinking about the things I needed to do. I'd gotten a new job very recently and began to ask myself "What have I done?" Some weeks I had no free days. I told myself to relax, I set this day aside, there's nothing I could do but calm myself and wait. Eventually she came back downstairs. I would have bussed away earlier, but she seemed to like the idea of chatting some more.
     The rest of the day was cloudier, perhaps literally as well as figuratively. I cannot fully recall. Nothing seemed to resolve as I expected, though I did meet up with folks and made it home without issue.
Maybe someone found my day pass.

Step 1

I research things anyway.
The idea of beginning a long-term research project on a single topic is intimidating to me because I don't seek these things out. Lines of research seem as organic as friendships, I know I don't have all the control. Progress occurs if I remain open and engaged, but time flows in seasons.
I am fond of trees.

This last summer I spent a significant amount of time researching the Meyers-Briggs (Personality) Type Indicator. If you are unfamiliar with MBTI, here is a link that explains it better than I am currently able.

The 16 types are combinations of these options:

Introversion/Extroversion

Sensing/iNtuition

Thinking/Feeling

Perceiving/Judging

or abbreviated: I/E, S/N, T/F, and P/J. As an example of a type, mine is INFP.

Many sites devoted to Meyers-Briggs typing focus on trait aspects. They form convincing profiles of each "personality", likely encouraged by the trait-based setup of the type names themselves. While reading through type profiles and possibly internalizing labels such as "The Idealist", "The Artist", or "The Scientist" may be an enjoyable and even helpful pastime, the real meat (in my opinion) is in cognitive functions.
There are 8 functions. Each hypothetical person uses four most often. Which four they prefer define their type. Here's a list of all eight:

Extroverted Feeling (Fe)

Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Extroverted Intuiting (Ne)

Introverted Intuiting (Ni)

Extroverted Sensing (Se)

Introverted Sensing (Si)

Extroverted Thinking (Te)

Introverted Thinking (Ti)

Each type contains a feeling, intuiting, sensing, and thinking function. These are things we all do, but usually not in the same order. There is also a built-in balance between introversion and extraversion. If you identify as an extroverted person, it's very likely that your primary cognitive function is extroverted.
So how do we get from, say, ESFJ to whatever functions it contains? This I have not come to an understanding of yet. However, a few months ago a friend directed me to a MBTI-focused blog which attempted to explain the connections. I and another friend who I showed the explanation to found it to be difficult to follow, and I wish I could say I really understood it. Perhaps the information could be better represented as a choose-your-own-adventure story or a graph resembling a tree. This is something I would like to create and hopefully will, here. But back to the subject of the other blog, the one feature I found to be very useful is a set of images representing the cognitive process of each type. Thus, without understanding how, I know that an ISTJ's functions are:
1. Introverted Sensing
2. Extroverted Thinking
3. Introverted Feeling
4. Extroverted Intuiting

From this point I have mostly ditched the type names and focused on what each function is all about.

It seems I have have a beginning subject. Up next week (unless the muses speak against it): How some cognitive functions seem like superpowers and how that adds to my perception of why some friendships are so great