Not Knowing (Nov 16, 28)

I have not been well. I don't know what it is. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just feeling things. It's the faintest something at the fore of my forehead or the back of my neck. It's the way I have to think more to make my eyes focus sometimes, how I'm working harder to stay hydrated, how when I'm tired enough 50% of me wants to cry.
I have cried a little, but not recently. This is the eighth day. I haven't panicked since Thursday night. I almost felt better yesterday. It's not painful, just different, weakening, and unknown. Not knowing is the worst part.
I take a chunky multivitamin and a cap of D3 each day now. I eat some salt when I need to. I thought I might be low on potassium for a while, but I increased my intake and didn't feel better. I'm just trying to take care.

~

Copay is more expensive on our insurance plan at urgent care clinics. My veins are small and they roll, so after three attempts at a blood draw I am redirected to another lab. About a week later I find out I don't have diabetes, anemia, or thyroid problems. 

A pediatrician examines the orifices in my face. She tells me my nose and ears are swollen inside but I don't have an infection. We think the initial weakness was probably a battle against toxins (there was an incident). She suggests that I accept a prescription of nose spray or use some kind of small teapot-like thing to pour warm salt water through my nose. I don't have the pot but late one night I try a funnel. Later I realize that some occasional dizziness makes sense due to inner ear swelling.

Everyone is kind, but when in doubt, go to your primary care clinic.

Also, there's no shame in thinking you might have some especially terrible disease as long as you recognize when you are afraid, understand that you might not have one, try to remain calm, and do not share these thoughts with certain people.